Reflections...

Sitting here reflecting on the school year that’s almost over, my first full year as an elementary school EC  teacher and all the stress, hard work and demands that it all entailed, and I’m so thankful to have this blog.

It was never really intended to be one of those uber-popular, well-followed blogs that so many people have out now… although that may have been nice, that was not my intention in creating it. Even as far back as last summer, from the first time I set my mind on becoming a teacher and learning to educate our youth, I knew that I was embarking on a journey that would be simultaneously thrilling, wonderful and incredibly demanding, and I knew I would want to be able to look back on that journey and not miss a bit of it in the process. The only way I could think of to accomplish that was to start this blog, this readership of one, as a record of all the trials, accomplishments and joys of being a first-year teacher.

And now that I’ve made it this far by the grace, strengthening and leading of God, I’m so, so thankful that I have this blog to go back and read and reflect on. I feel like I’ve finally (finally) made it to a place in my first year where things have evened out, where I understand the day-to-day of my job, where I’ve gotten to know my kids and their capabilities and their interests and dreams, where I’m comfortable running my IEP meetings and writing new goals, and where I can look back effectively enough to make plans for how to do things better and more efficiently next year… I feel like I’ve gotten to a place where I can breathe a lot more easily now – not fully relax, mind you – because we’ve got MUCH more to do to be as prepared for the upcoming EOGs as I’d like to be, but to breathe nonetheless.

It’s a nice feeling, this time of calm. Strange, unfamiliar, but nice.  Peace of mind truly is a wonderful thing. I’ve read so much on the stages that a first-year teacher goes through, and I have to say that, unlike so many other things you find on the net these days, this information was actually very, very much on point. I can vividly remember going through every single one of the stages listed in these articles, and I’m so thankful to finally arrive at rejuvenation/ reflection stage. I literally feel energized, I’m ready for each day and look forward to teaching and seeing my kids continue to blossom while they’re with me. I can’t imagine my 5^th graders leaving me after graduation’s all done in June… I’m so happy for them, but Lord knows, I’ll miss every single one when they move on.

Now that things are in a good place, I think I’ll work on doing a much better job of taking good care of myself. I lost 12 pounds without even trying this school year, and while losing weight is always good news for someone who is overweight to begin with, it would be better for me if it were intentional and done as a result of my making good choices and taking better care of myself. Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for this being the case. The pounds I lost so far this year were a result of stress and my being really (really) terrible about eating regularly and resting sufficiently. There were so many days that I didn’t eat breakfast or even lunch that I literally lost count months and months ago. For too many nights, dinner would be the first and only meal I had all day, and I’d fall into bed completely exhausted and drained, only to have to get up the next day and do it all over again. So, 12 pounds down, yes, but definitely not the right way.



Congrats, Melissa... I'm right behind ya, girl! :)

 Here’s my goal for this go-round:  45 pounds in 9 weeks. If things stay on this nice, even pace, I can definitely do this. It’s only 5 pounds a week, which I think I can easily do once I get back to visiting the gym (which is right across the street from my house, so I have ABSOLUTELY no excuse) and to eating right. It’s so important to give your body not just fuel, but the right fuel it needs to get you through the day, and I’ve got to get back to doing what I know when it comes to caring for myself. So, I’ve officially begun the next challenge I’ve set up for myself – knock those 45 pounds out in 9 weeks. I can absolutely do this, no doubt in my mind. I’ll keep ya posted on how everything goes! J

Ahhhh...

I’m absolutely loving this time of year. It seems like (thus far, anyway!) that the worst is over and that things are evening out, stress is significantly decreased and we’re on our way to EOGs really, really soon… Yeah, I like this time of year. It’ll be June before you know it.

After surviving a very crazy, very hectic and definitely very overwhelming February, the family and I decided to take some time off with a long weekend away to Atlanta. We’re only 4 hours away, so we were there in no time. Took a 4-day weekend and got in the car and just went. And oh, what a blessing it was. Sleep. Wonderfully comfortable beds (and amazing pillows… thank you, Hilton!!). Tons to do in the city – for free, no less. Hotel was right in the heart of downtown Atlanta, so we were right next to everything. Amazing, amazing weekend. Ran right smack into the Momocon 2012 Atlanta and had a blast at the St. Patrick's Day parade as well. The kids had a great time too, which makes it all the better.

And so, after four wonderful, restful, peaceful and fun days, we’re back. Going into two consecutive 4-day workweeks, and then right into Spring Break. Wowwww. Absolutely lovin’ this. Just lovin’ it.

So, during these last 2 weeks before vacation, I’m looking to see if my kids will meet the AR challenge I gave them (and I fully expect them to J) and earn a pizza party for having 100% of them meet their AR goals for the quarter. These next 8 workdays are gonna fly by like nobody’s business.

I’m planning to go right into EOG Prep Blitz right after we come back from vacation. We’re down to 8 weeks before EOGs right now. By the time vacation comes, we’ll be down to just F-I-V-E. Simply incredible. I can so easily remember the beginning of the school year when it seemed like we had till forever before EOG time came. And now, that time is so close, and so small in comparison to what it was in September, that we have much to do in the time allotted.

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It’s been awhile since I posted anything work related, so I’m making a concerted effort to try and catch up tonight (…and to procrastinate on lesson planning/test correcting/etc.etc.etc…). So, here goes.

I recently came across a blog by a guy who had a really bad first year teaching, but still encouraged and determined, came back for a second year to give it another try. His second year turned out to be just as crappy as his first, and despite this, he came back for a third. Needless to say, the third year followed suit and he ended up leaving the profession altogether after that, exhausted, disillusioned and feeling unsupported.

If I could say anything to any soon-to-be first year teachers out there, it would be (among many, many other things) to find and establish a solid support system for yourself as soon as you can, because honey, you’re gonna need it. To say that the first year of teaching is overwhelming just doesn’t cut it. I mean, honestly, it really doesn’t. The words just are not sufficient to encapsulate all of the time you have to spend doing various things (outside of the classroom, mind you.. just to prepare you FOR the classroom), and the endless requirements of energy that the job seems to constantly demand and simultaneously sap from you every single day.

Please don’t get me wrong – I love my job. I really do, for real. I like getting up in the morning knowing that I’m going to work somewhere where I’ll be helping someone, where I’ll be making a real difference in some small way. It helps too knowing that the day seems to absolutely fly by. What still gets me though, is just how utterly wiped out and exhausted I feel every single day after I leave work. There are so many things I’d like to do after work. So many other, unrelated, un-educating things that I could enjoy once my day is over that could help me feel like a real person again with a full and eventful life…

But I never seem able to muster up the energy to do any of them. Instead, I get out of work at 3:30, end up staying after everyday until just about 5, pick my husband up from work and by the time we fight the evening traffic and finally make it up our three flights of stairs to home, it’s pushing 6:30 pm. A solid 12 hours since I left the house that morning, and I’m just now walking back in the door. That’s on a regular, ‘short’ day. If I have certification seminar after work, that’s another three solid hours of class and an hour commuting, so I’m not back in the house till 9pm. And dinner has to be cooked. The house has to be cleaned. Papers have to be graded, IEPs have to be written, emails have to be sent, parents have to be contacted, etc., etc., etc.  And we haven’t even gotten to spending time with my family yet or lesson planning or God forbid, working on one of our ridiculously long work products for our certification program.

I love my job. Love it. Love what I do each day. But I would also love having set hours. Like, when I get off work, I’m actually OFF work. Until the next day. To have a life like regular people who are not teachers. We soooooooooooooo do not work 40 hours a week. Teaching is easily (and I do mean easily) a 50+ hour a week job, and that may be a seriously lowballed figure. I think that’s one of the most difficult things for me at this point in my journey… that people who are not teachers do not always realize just how exhausting this job can be, and especially how difficult and completely overwhelming being a first year teacher can be. They mistakenly think it’s like any other job, like any other 9 to 5, so what’s the big deal? Ohhhhh, if they only knew!!!

Although you love the kids and love seeing them learn and build their confidence, you have to wonder sometimes what the cost is to your own life. My family sees me everyday, and yet they don’t see me. I’m with them every evening, and yet I’m not with them. I’m on the couch, in the living room, but I’m grading papers or planning lessons or pouring through the mounds and mounds of textbooks and binders and workshop materials that have now taken over our family’s living space, and my mind and attention are a million, million miles away. There, but not there.

I’ve got to get better at juggling all of this. I’ve just got to.

Marriage is a Wonderful Thing...

I love my husband. Love, love, lovvvvvvvvve my husband. At the risk of making his head even bigger than it already is (love you, babe!), I have to admit that he really is a great catch and a very thoughtful person to boot.

I ended my workweek as usual, fully exhausted and wiped out and so ready for a relaxing weekend at home with my family. Friday nights after work are particularly challenging for me, because I start out with the best intentions to put all the drama and exhaustion of the work week aside and purposely spend quality time with my family all weekend long, until we have to begin the work cycle all over again on Monday morning. I try very hard to make that time enjoyable and positive, restful and fun for us so that we can rejuvenate ourselves and restore what the work/school week has drained out of us thus far. So were my plans this past weekend. Only, I couldn’t keep my eyes open to save my life once I got home from work on Friday afternoon. I tried. I tried sooo hard. But I was so wiped, so utterly exhausted, that the moment I sat down on my couch (it wasn’t even 7:30 yet, mind you), I couldn’t stay awake. I was in bed and knocked out to the world before 8 pm. So much for spending Friday night with my family.

So Saturday rolls around and I wake up happy and refreshed, ready to begin a great weekend with my husband and children. I did the laundry, cleaned up a bit, started my lesson planning… the typical Saturday activities for me. I got about halfway through my day when my husband came up behind me while I was working on the computer, and said, “I need you to pack an overnight bag. Be ready by 3.” And so my weekend odyssey began.

Unbeknownst to me, he’d rented a beautiful hotel room for me, complete with dinner, chocolates, fresh fruit, plenty of snacks for later, a beautiful card and a bottle of sparkling apple cider (yum) just for me. He also bought me a really nice laptop pad with a cooling fan (guess he knew I’d still be working on lesson plans) and gave me extra money in case I wanted to order pizza or something else later. And then he gave me a kiss, told me to enjoy my private, peaceful oasis, and left. He didn’t come back until checkout time the next day.

Wow. Wowwwwww. I absolutely loved it. Loooooooved it. No noise, except the noise I made myself. No constant requests. No ‘Mommy, I need…’ or ‘Mommy, can I have…’ … just … peace. Wonderful, wonderful peace. I had full control of the remote and the TV and the cable and watched whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted. Put the AC on (yes, in the middle of February, lol) and enjoyed the cool air for hours. No one there so turn it off because they were cold…yay!! J I lesson planned and wrote and blogged and shopped online and did all kinds of stuff that I don’t usually get to do. Had a nice, strong wireless signal so I could be online as long as I wanted.

The shower was amazing. Amaaaazing. I lounged and relaxed and did just what I wanted to do for what seemed like hours. And then I looked up and it was only 8pm. Cooooool beans!!! I’d done all that and only a few hours had passed. Oh, yeah… this was nice. I could get used to this!

So I stayed up and watched movie after movie after movie (hadn’t seen Braveheart in years!) till 3 in the morning, then drifted off to a wonderful sleep with the TV still on and the infomercials lulling me into me dreams. Waking up to a nice, cool room was heavenly in the morning. I’m usually really stuffy in the mornings from the heat in the house, so waking up able to breathe freely and easily was such a nice change. I got up and went straight to the workout room, and walked a mile on the treadmill, determined to start my morning off right instead of reaching for the habitual cup of hot coffee to wake me up. How invigorating! I’d not worked out in awhile, and had forgotten how good it feels to work out and get that natural surge of energy instead of getting one from caffeine and sugar. I capped my early morning off with a nice, hot shower, then sat down in front of my laptop to get back to work. Started knocking out progress reports and upcoming IEPs and the like… very, very productive time.

What an amazing day and evening. And I so, so, sooooo needed it. I’m so thankful for a husband and children that pay attention enough to know when Mom needs a break from the everyday responsibilities of work and motherhood and being a wife, etc, etc, etc. Being a mom is hard enough. Being a working mom can be freakin’ exhausting at times. Our job is one of those that doesn’t end at a certain time or at the close of a particular shift.. it just keeps going and going and going. And although we’re thankful for the blessing that is our family and wouldn’t trade it for the world, a break every now and then is just what the doctor ordered.

And do you know what this wonderful man said to me when he came to pick me up at checkout time the next day? ‘Once a month. We’re going to make sure you get this chillout time once a month, because you work so hard and you deserve it.”

Wowwwww. Yep, I’m a very, very blessed woman, and I sure do love my husband. J