...Think we hit bottom... Week Five's here...

Institute, Week Five

Framework sessions are pretty much status quo. Hallway conversation is getting kind of harried… people are irritable, tired of working in the same groups week in and week out, and now little things like the pitch of a group member’s voice or someone’s habit of thinking out loud is really starting to grate on other people’s nerves. I guess it’s normal in a way… so far, we’ve been up under each other for almost 25 straight days, and we’re approaching our personal ends with the little things that we hardly even noticed before. To top that off, people are starting to get written up left and right. Late assignment (and by late, I mean 5 minutes, not days), accruing absences for being 15 minutes late to a Framework session or workshop, etc. Some survive it, some don’t.  In one day, we lost 4 PTs for various reasons. Another day, more of them are gone.

Then Praxis Scores come in, and oh, Lord… our numbers take a serious hit. Suddenly, people you’ve been sharing rides with and having lunch with and emailing, encouraging, bouncing lesson plan ideas off of, getting to know their stories and family members, etc., etc, are GONE. They’re here this morning and gone this afternoon. And the funny thing is, everything just moves on as if they were never even here. It’s kind of weird in a very real way. Like, we all know we’ve lost x amount of people in our own group today, but Framework session starts and nothing is mentioned. We just start the day as usual, with the only real acknowledgement coming from us as PTs.  I guess I knew that the hundred and something people we started with a few weeks ago would decrease for natural reasons along the way, but never in my wildest dreams did I think people would start dropping off like flies this quickly. And the machine keeps moving on.

You can’t help but really feel for these people, too. I mean, these were friends. We got to know these people, talk to them, spend time with time, teach with them. We know about their girlfriends at home and husbands and children that they couldn’t afford to bring with them right now, we know who’s worried about a sick parent at home, who’s planning to get married in a month or so, who just quit their job and sold their house to come here, etc. And the sad thing is, these PTs have been working for FIVE WEEKS NOW, and have nothing to show for it. They didn’t finish Institute technically, so they don’t get paid. They literally get nothing for the time, effort, gas and other expense money they’ve spent toward Institute and student teaching thus far. Everything’s just lost. Some of these people picked up and left everything, moving here from places like Ohio, Georgia, California, Florida and beyond. All that to be kicked out in the fifth week??? Wow. It’s seriously disheartening, to say the least. I think at this point, we all feel like a deflated balloon in a sense… like you’ve just been kicked in the stomach. When we first started Institute, you had to get to the main site early just to get a good park. Now you can pretty much park wherever you like.  We used to have to leave for the all-cohort meetings early too so we could get a seat. Now… it’s hard not to notice that whole sections are empty. Really, really discouraging time.

And there's Week Four...

Institute, Week Four

Okay, so by now, all the teamwork and feelings of cum-by-yah that we had going on in the beginning weeks are gone. We’re in the same Framework session group afternoon in and afternoon out and all day on Fridays, and we’re just about sick of each other and of working with ‘elbow partners’ and groups. Don’t get me wrong… I’m a team player, and I like working with others. It’s fun. It’s interactive. You get so many different viewpoints that make things interesting… but by now, our ‘team’ is falling apart. We’re sick of working with the same people, we’re beginning to get on each other’s nerves. Little cliques are beginning to form and some of those in the younger part of our group are starting to compete with their peers and with the older members as well. You know, stuff like you’re hogging all the attention, we like you but we don’t like her, you’re answering more questions than me, the teacher pays more attention to you, why? Yeah. Senseless, immature crap like that. These sometimes feel like the longest two and a half hours of my life each afternoon. And only prayer can get me through an all-day session on Fridays. O-m-g.  When is Institute over again???

The silver lining on all of this is our student teaching component. I absolutely love this time. I love it. I look forward to getting up early and getting to my classroom so I can set up everything I need for today’s lessons, make the needed copies, get the attendance ready, etc.  Since we’ll actually be teaching this week, we decide to get there early – like 6 am. So I’m up at 4, out by 5, there a few minutes before 6. It’s not even fully light out yet, with the morning light just starting to streak colors across the sky. But I get to teach today. Actually teach a full lesson (or two), and I’m so psyched that all I can see is the beauty in it. So it’s just me and the custodian, who’s opening the building for the day. I walk up to the classroom and start to get all my video clips ready for the lesson, write out my objective and content standard on the board, and take my time making sure everything’s in place for when the students arrive in two hours. I take a moment and wonder to myself… is this what it’s going to be like when I actually have my own classroom and my own set of students? Will I remember to savor this early-morning time in my classroom to get myself organized and think of all those little small but crucial things that can make or break your preparation.

We take the short gift of reprieve we’ve been given last week and use that time to write next week’s lesson plans. Six to eight of those daggone suckers. MAN!! I never, ever knew how long writing a good, quality lesson plan would take me. There were some people in Institute who could knock out a lesson plan in an hour or two, but it easily took me a good four (or more) hours to do a lesson plan that my advisor would call ‘thoughtful’ or ‘very good’.  I don’t mind putting the time in and felt perfectly justified in using that time to Google the heck out of the subject I was teaching so that I could really be prepared and actually know what I was talking about, but it’s not so easy to spend that kind of time on one lesson when you have six to eight of them due in just a few days. That weekend was killer for all of us, for real.

Lesson plans were due on Sundays by 8 pm, and almost every single weekend, I was hitting that Submit button at 7:59 and counting. A second after 8, and you had a late submission. Get ready for a write-up, honey. Couldn’t have that, so I spent my entire weekends trying to write thoughtful, quality lesson plans that I could actually be proud of and that would get the content across to the kids in my class in a way that meant something to them and stuck. I began to feel so responsible for the things we were teaching them, and when you saw from questioning and/or an exit ticket that they didn’t quite get what you were teaching, it just ripped through you, knowing how much effort you’d put into doing a good job for them. But the really cool thing is that I learned how to reflect on how well I researched, taught and assessed my lesson plans. It’s okay if the kids didn’t quite get the key points of your lesson plan this go round. Take a moment or two to reflect on why that might be – maybe I wasn’t as clear as I intended to be. Maybe I forgot to mention a key point or two in my talking to them. Maybe I forgot to use my Checks for Understanding in a way that measured whether they were still with me, or if I left them behind somewhere in the lesson and didn’t realize it. So, during my next lesson, I make sure that I correct the errors in delivery that I made the first time. This keeps happening lesson after lesson, time after time, and with constant reflection, before you know it, you’re way, way better than you were just a few days ago. I’m loving this process of learning how to teach, and learning to examine myself and my delivery to make sure I do the best I can to help my students achieve what they must in just a few short weeks. I love that the focus isn’t on blaming the kids, but that it makes us as teachers be really honest and reflective with ourselves to make sure we’re differentiating, taking other learning styles into account, etc. I’m learning so much, and I LOVE IT.

We wrapped up this week of student teaching on a serious high. All of us in our classroom did really well with our lessons this week. We were shaky at first, nervous, excited to get out there and get started but still very much unsure of our ability and whether we’d be able to do a good job or not, but it all worked out. At about our second or third lesson of the week (we had to do six to eight), we found our groove and began to get into our lessons, and the students could tell. They began to participate and answer questions, and it was good. It was reeeeally good. All said, I was so glad we had this week where we kinda had to just dive in there and get started. It gave us such an empowerment and surge to carry us into next week’s teaching, and it actually ended up lasting all the way to the end of student teaching, which was incredibly helpful.  The interaction you experience when you’re up there with your kids and you’re teaching and they’re taking it in and asking questions, connecting past learning, and bridging the new material… it’s just incredible. I saw so clearly during that time just why I chose to embark upon this journey and become a teacher. There’s just nothing like this!

Week Three...

Institute, Week Three

Okay so now, just about all the shiny-newness of Institute is wearing thin. We are tired. No, scratch that… we’re freakin’ worn out. And we’re only halfway through Institute. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed at a decent time or woke up actually feeling rested and not tired. I get up at five and I’m out of the house by six, on the highway and at my practice teaching site by 7, usually. If I get out early enough, there’s not really any traffic and I can take my time getting there.

My practice teaching site is NOWHERE near my house – in fact, it’s all the way across town, and this trekking from my house to the practice teaching site to the main site and back home again is seriously killing my gas tank. Gas is c-r-a-z-y high right now, and my husband is easily putting $100 a week into the car for gas just so I can get everywhere I need to be for Institute. If I were working, that might not be such a struggle… but Institute is not paid time. We are essentially working for FREE for the entire course of Institute, and IF we finish, IF we pass and IF we graduate, we’ll get a stipend for the program for all our trouble. Don’t get me wrong, I knew this going in and I’m thankful for the stipend (when we get it), but doing all this spending week after week after week with no money coming in to replace it is seriously painful, and at times, scary. The gas needle has been on E more times that I wish to remember, and I find myself praying that I won’t run out of gas on the highway on the way to practice teaching in the mornings or on the way to the main site in the afternoons… And whatever you do, don’t be late. Lateness past 15 minutes = an absence = a writeup… 2 or 3 ‘absences’ = you getting kicked out of the program… for good. Talk about stressful…

The threat looms everywhere... late assignment? forgot an email? late to class?...

Institute's starting to feel like a bully...

This week, we’re student teaching a few times during the week. We were supposed to write 3-4 hour-long lessons to work with small groups of students, to kind of ease our way into teaching and being in front of the kids. My fellow PTs and I got our stuff all written up and ready, submitted by last Thursday for this week, only to not be able to use it. We had so, so much information to cover during the two-week summer school session that we never had time to pull the kids away into small groups for any specified amount of time, because there was just so much to teach them in regular class session. It all worked together, though. Being able to watch our CT in action was more than worth it.

So, week three passes and we haven’t been in front of our students to teach an actual lesson just yet. Truth be told, though, very few PTs in the school we’re assigned to were able to teach this week, because we all pretty much ran into the same thing. There’s just so much to teach in such a short time that taking an hour or two (or three) away per week from that already tight schedule just isn’t feasible. These kids have to pass an EOC in just over a week, and we have to get as much content in as we can, so nobody minds. We all fully understand. And perhaps underneath all that, we’re all secretly glad that things have worked out the way they have because we were just a little terrified at the thought of having to stand in front of a classroom full of kids we barely know and try to actually ‘teach’ them something. Laughable, huh? Yeah, I know. Especially considering the fact that we’re trying to become, ummm… TEACHERS???   LOL  Hey… gotta get rid of those jitters sometime, right??

Week Two...

Institute, Week Two

We’re starting to feel a little tired now. Some of our shininess is wearing off. We’re still excited and looking forward to so many new things and challenges and actually having real students, etc…. but our energy levels are slowly starting to decline. Enthusiasm still reigns, but we’re starting to feel the weight of just how tired a day, then week straight, of Framework sessions can actually make you. The fun part of this is that we got to go to our Student Teaching sites this week, and observe different teachers in action. No lesson plans just yet, no teaching, just watching the pros at work and taking notes and learning as much as we could because before we knew it, the week would be over and we would be ON. I learned sooo much this week. Admin had us on a rotating schedule, so we watched a particular teacher do their thing in their class for awhile, then rotated to another classroom and began a fresh observation with another teacher and set of students.

When all was said and done, we’d had the opportunity to watch all the teachers that we PTs (Practitioner Teachers) would be divvied up to. It was so interesting to watch how different teachers can be. We saw everything from the teachers who were soft-spoken and nice and students who showed no respect to them whatsoever, to those who were really tough and weren’t going to take anything from anyone these next few weeks… and the students knew it and responded accordingly. There were many who were somewhere in the middle, with a healthy mix of a soft-spoken voice but healthy mix of I-mean-business attitude, and their classes so smoothly. This is the kind of teacher I was given.  Awesome teacher. Really nice guy, knows his stuff and is incredible with the creativity he uses to get it across to the students, but never really raises his voice unless making a point in the lesson. Yet, the kids knew he meant business and we hardly ever had a discipline issue in the classroom during the whole summer session. THIS is definitely someone whose style has had a major impression on me over the summer.

 I saw so many instances of OPEN disrespect to teachers (profanity, talking back, outright refusing to do what was asked of them, etc.) over the summer, and not once did I see this stuff show its ugly head in our classroom. Kids were literally getting kicked out of summer school left and right because of behavior (or smoking in the bathroom, or leaving campus during lunch, or bringing in alcohol and trying to play it off in a water bottle… really??)  One day a kid got a little flip with his response to the teacher, and true to form, our CT was able to bring him right back in by using that same soft tone and business-like voice. Loved it.  Learned so, so much from it.  Student teaching for me was an amazing experience, and so helpful to get me ready for teaching actual students of my own. 

Finally, The Institute Chronicles...

Hey, there. It’s been awhile, I know.

Sorry for the delay in posting. I’d originally intended to update my blog every single day of Summer Institute, to share my experiences, highs and lows, so you could get a good view of what we were going through during those (e.ter.nal.) six and a half weeks… but that didn’t work out so well. Turns out, Institute was so, so, so much more exhausting and mind-draining than I thought it would be, and by the end of the first day (literally), I was down for the count. Nevermind getting further into Institute week after week, and trying to muster up the extra energy to backtrack and update the blog…. Good intentions overall, but things just didn’t work out like I thought they would.  So, now that Institute is O-V-E-R  [YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!] and I’m actually free and have nothing due and can thing straight again (hehe), I’ve decided to go back and cover Institute week by week so the experience isn’t lost.  All that said and done, here goes!  J

Institute, Week One (three days only, W-F)

How in the world can I be this tired already???

Yay! We’re all excited that Institute has finally, finally started, and we can start getting to really know our cohort and make some new friends, etc. We’re all happy and excited and shiny and new. Institute has not yet beaten the life out of us, and we start our mornings with big smiles and excited voices that can’t stop talking about all the stuff that’s coming our way – did anybody really read that whole 600+ Guidebook before the Summer Institute started (yes, most of us actually did), did anybody take the time to read the pages and pages (and pages) of work that we had to do for our Independent Study Guide before Institute started? (yeah, I think they actually did. We used the answers for our ISG one day during Framework sessions while we worked in groups, and then really didn’t mention all that work again for the next six and a half weeks. Bummer.) When do we start our Student Teaching? Where will we be? How many students will we have? Man, I hope my Cooperating Teacher (CT) is nice… and helpful… and understanding, etc., etc., etc.

So we have a short opening ceremony as a whole group, and then break into our teams with our leaders (PTAs, or Practitioner Teacher Advisors). We get our school assignments (mine is High School, US History, yay!), our Cooperating Teacher’s name and find out what our usual daily schedule will look like for the next month or so.  Looks like we’ll arrive at our schools at 7:15 or earlier every morning, set up and spend planning time with our CTs until the students arrive for summer school at 8, then student teach lessons until 1:30 in the afternoon. At 1:30, we leave our sites, and have an hour to drive back to the main location where all the Framework sessions will be held. That’s Monday through Thursday. On Fridays, we spend all day at the main site, mostly doing Framework Sessions all day after a short opening all-cohort meeting.

You can either shove down your food during the 20 minutes the kids have for lunch as you do simultaneously do lunch duty, or you can wait and take your time to eat when your student teaching is done for the day and you’re driving back to the main site for Framework sessions. At first, I chose to eat with the kids while doing lunch duty. After several days of having an upset stomach from shoving food down in an inordinate amount of time, I eventually opted to just wait and take my time eating my lunch as I drove back to the main site each day. Everybody kinda worked out their own solutions with this one.

For the first week, though, we stayed at the main site and went through what the program called “Framework Sessions”. We were each given this (h-u-g-e) binder with Modules that we’d slowly go through during the duration of Institute, and we knocked out one and a half modules for the first couple of days. It was fun at first. Breaking into groups and working with ‘elbow partners’ had its novelties, and everything was cool.  Our group was still new and we were getting to know each other and all was well, so this worked out great.  Stay tuned!

Counting down...

Counting down to the last few days of Insitute. We only have Mon, Tues, Wed and half of Thurs, then we're (really and truly) free. I seriously can't wait. These six and a half weeks have been a journey that's been at once challenging, rewarding, exhausting, mind-boggling, and so many other adjectives that I just can't seem to think of right now. There's so much I'd like to say about it all, but I've decided to hold off till graduation is real and true and official. Three and a half more days to go. Three and a half days, bless the Lord!!!

4, 3, 2, 1... FREEDOM.

oMG... just four and a half more days until Institute is ALL THE WAY OVER. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!

I'm about at my limit...

This?  This would be Institute.

And this? This would be me, swiftly approaching my limit with, you guessed it... Institute.

Iiiiiiiimmmmm sssssooooooooo ttttiiiiiiiiiirrrrrreedddddd!!!!!!

This is me. In Institute. Exhausted beyond belief.

This is me. Everyday after Institute. Exhausted beyond belief. Lord, help me.

Yeah.